Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Unfoldable Soul

Taken by this moment. Lost. sometimes so hopeful and clear and at other times clouded by this layer of uncertainty and doubt. i know thats all just the other stuff coming in. the old thoughts. the old demons. the old shari. the funny thing is, within a second of writing that, i know how silly that is. i know that by me saying that, i am attracting more of that into my life. i know that ultimately, i have all the answers. i know i know i know. so why? so why do i still sit here in front of my computer lost. lost. its like my luggage is filled all the way. ready to go. ready to take off. i just dont have the ticket. dont know where its going. but i am waiting. waiting. for answers. for clarity. for something. isnt it enough that i know what i want in my heart? isnt that enough to get me moving? there are some people who dont even know whats at their core. i do. i know it wants to heal. it wants to make others smile. it wants to bring joy to their lives. laughter. smiles. life. contentment. happiness. joy. inspiration. i know i dont want others to suffer. i know i want everyone to see what goodness lies out there on this planet. to know that we are all in this together. to know with such certainty that you are me and i am you. we are we. i know this sounds so "out there" to some, but it makes so much sense to me. it sits well in my heart. that is what gives me peace when i lay my head down at night. what doesnt bring me peace is this place i am at in my head where i allow my thoughts to get the best of me. the little voice inside that is just laughing at me because once again, shari is just talking. spouting. idealizing. dreaming. here comes crazy shari again with the questions...what is wrong with that though? we all should dream. we all should live consciously in this moment and never forget now. right now. forget tomorrow. forget yesterday. now. okay, well shari, i guess there is your answer. right now i want to figure this out. in the past i have done nothing except talk about it and worry about the future. perhaps, right now is all there is and right now i am discovering that i am still lost. damn it. :P

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